Resting hands

I often see people who lose control of their hands when they speak. Some people over-gesture, emphasizing every! single! word! with a wave of the hand. This is about as effective as underlining every word; all the words are emphasized, so none of the words is emphasized. Others just fidget. The hands go in the pockets, they tuck the hair behind the ear, they twist the wedding band. Neither of these helps to project confidence, and both can distract the listener from your message.

As a speaker, you're probably aware of these tics, and you might tell yourself, "Stop fidgeting!" or "Stop gesturing!"

Telling yourself to stop moving your hands is about as effective as telling you to not think of a tasty ice cream sundae, with caramel and almonds on top...er, excuse me.

Sound of ice cream scoop clinking against bowl.

Right! Focusing on what you want to avoid just makes you go and do that. Instead, focus on what you want to do, affirmatively.

In order to still your hands, give yourself a rest position, or a "default setting" for your hands and arms. The best all-purpose choice is to let your arms hang at your sides, with your hands cupped against the outsides of your legs. This makes you seem open and neutral and comfortable--you have nothing to hide, and nothing to protect yourself against! You might also clasp your hands loosely in front of your hips if you want to suggest that you're nonthreatening and peaceful. If you have a table or podium in front of you, you could rest your hands on top of it--keep all your weight on your legs or seat, just rest your hands and wrists on the podium or tabletop.

This way, you're not "doing nothing" with your hands--you're doing something with them--something still, calm, natural and controlled. This quietness of body will help your audience to focus on your words, and it will help you to make sure that the well-chosen and varied gestures you do make have a great impact.

Give it a try! Next time you give a speech, rather than thinking, "I will stop fluttering my hands," think "I will keep my hands still and quiet at my sides, in their resting position."